Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
E3 is here!
Yeah, not what it used to be, but hopefully Microsoft will announce Riiiiidge Racer or historic battles featuring giant epic crabs!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Traveling...
Been on the road. Sorry for the lack of updates. I'll whip up something good. In the meantime(Earl Weaver going apesh*t):
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
You Kids Get Off My Lawn Files #1:State Of Music
Hey Kids, wanna sell some records (aka digital downloads)??? Get it on Rock Band!! Motley Crue's single sees 47,000 downloads on Rock Band. Amazon, iTunes, & such: 10,000. Just like the Beatles did it!!
http://www.reuters.com/article/entertainmentNews/idUSN2329170920080525
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
LOL F-N-THE-A #1: Ferggie on the Today Show
Yeah yeah yeah, nothing to do with the standard Sniper, Noob - but this puts the "OL" in "LOL" (ok, that was the geekiest thing I've ever written). So Ferga-whatever-licious performed Heart's Baracuda. Things to lookout for:
1. Dig the hefty Guitar & Bass guys covered in Hats, Coats, and Sunglasses to hide that they are 48-year-old dudes.
2. Checkout the amount of "little kids" (I mean 5 to 7 year olds) crammed against the stage.
3. 1:06 mark: Fergie drops to her knees, rubs her left Boob.
4. 1:50 mark: Fergie drops to her knees again this time pretending to want to Blow the 50 year guitar guy. (watch his "solo" face at 1:56, ug)
5. 2:20 mark: THE BEST PART EVER!!!! 'Fergs' drops to her knees and crawls 'super slut' style in front of 2 shocked kids. Little Girl holding the pink sign looks ashamed to be there. one more time, BEST EVER!
6. 3:00 mark: Just to make sure this thing is a complete DISASTER, 'Fergie-hole' does her best Axel Rose "Snake" and then screeches "YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE??? YOU'RE IN THE JUNGLE BABY!!" Whew, at least she didn't say - oh crap she's doing it "YOU'RE GONNA DIEEEEEEEEE.....".
7. 3:15 I'm sure a girl turns to her mom, "Mommy, why is Fergie going to kill us???"
link(if window not appearing below)
1. Dig the hefty Guitar & Bass guys covered in Hats, Coats, and Sunglasses to hide that they are 48-year-old dudes.
2. Checkout the amount of "little kids" (I mean 5 to 7 year olds) crammed against the stage.
3. 1:06 mark: Fergie drops to her knees, rubs her left Boob.
4. 1:50 mark: Fergie drops to her knees again this time pretending to want to Blow the 50 year guitar guy. (watch his "solo" face at 1:56, ug)
5. 2:20 mark: THE BEST PART EVER!!!! 'Fergs' drops to her knees and crawls 'super slut' style in front of 2 shocked kids. Little Girl holding the pink sign looks ashamed to be there. one more time, BEST EVER!
6. 3:00 mark: Just to make sure this thing is a complete DISASTER, 'Fergie-hole' does her best Axel Rose "Snake" and then screeches "YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE??? YOU'RE IN THE JUNGLE BABY!!" Whew, at least she didn't say - oh crap she's doing it "YOU'RE GONNA DIEEEEEEEEE.....".
7. 3:15 I'm sure a girl turns to her mom, "Mommy, why is Fergie going to kill us???"
link(if window not appearing below)
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
File Under "No Way This Dude is For Real"
UPDATE:Looks like the guy took down his ad - WEAK...
Ok, dig this guy's classified ad trying to sell his car.
A few select quotes from the description:
"This car has gotten me laid so much it is ridiculous. I would like pull up to a pimp club in Scottsdale and the valet would crap his pants..."
"I inject myself with pure bull shark testosterone and lift 4 hours a day. My diet also consists of 24 egg whites a day. I've got a killer 6 pack and some delts that you would not believe."
"I only hook up with 9s and 10s. Never less because I'm a winner!"
Please be real, please be real!
credit Miles for sending me this
Ok, dig this guy's classified ad trying to sell his car.
A few select quotes from the description:
"This car has gotten me laid so much it is ridiculous. I would like pull up to a pimp club in Scottsdale and the valet would crap his pants..."
"I inject myself with pure bull shark testosterone and lift 4 hours a day. My diet also consists of 24 egg whites a day. I've got a killer 6 pack and some delts that you would not believe."
"I only hook up with 9s and 10s. Never less because I'm a winner!"
Please be real, please be real!
credit Miles for sending me this
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Best Thing You Can Do in GTA 4 Ever!
Ingredients:
Xbox Live
GTA 4
4 Freinds online
1.Start a Private 'Free Roam" Game
2.Invite your friends to join.
3.Somebody haul ass over to the airport and STEAL a Blackhawk Helicopter. (other friends can simply run around blowing stuff up while waiting)
4.Take newly acquired Blackhawk & fly around the city picking up you friends.
5.Fly the Blackhawk (with friends inside) to the "The Pink Triangle" Strip Club.
6.Go Inside and get your freak on...
GREATEST THING EVER!!
2nd Greatest Thing You Can Do in GTA 4:
1.Pick-Up friends in the Blackhawk as above.
2.FLY as HIGH as you possibly can in the Blackhawk above the city.
3.Without saying a word, BAIL out of the helicopter ("Y" Button)!!!!!
4.Listen to the sounds of your friends cursing you as they ride to their deaths' in a pilot-less helicpoter.
You can thank me later (or now)!
Xbox Live
GTA 4
4 Freinds online
1.Start a Private 'Free Roam" Game
2.Invite your friends to join.
3.Somebody haul ass over to the airport and STEAL a Blackhawk Helicopter. (other friends can simply run around blowing stuff up while waiting)
4.Take newly acquired Blackhawk & fly around the city picking up you friends.
5.Fly the Blackhawk (with friends inside) to the "The Pink Triangle" Strip Club.
6.Go Inside and get your freak on...
GREATEST THING EVER!!
2nd Greatest Thing You Can Do in GTA 4:
1.Pick-Up friends in the Blackhawk as above.
2.FLY as HIGH as you possibly can in the Blackhawk above the city.
3.Without saying a word, BAIL out of the helicopter ("Y" Button)!!!!!
4.Listen to the sounds of your friends cursing you as they ride to their deaths' in a pilot-less helicpoter.
You can thank me later (or now)!
Friday, April 4, 2008
The Nooby Trap Chronicles: Chapter 2 - "Are you hungry?"
Occasionally, someone comes-up with a highly creative way to be an ass on xbox live. Cue the dramatic "reenactment" music & wavy "flashback" effects...
Looking for a room to play some Rainbow Six: Vegas (terrorist hunt)... Found One. Enter Room:
"Silly Nelson"
-hey guys, what's up.
"Hey Silly Nelson, are you hungry?"
-huh? No.
"Silly Nelson, are you hungry?"
-No
"Dude, just say yes!"
-why?
"Come on, ARE YOU HUNGRY??"
-NO, I'm not hungry. Are you going to start the game?
"Dude, just say you're hungry, and I'll start the game."
-Ok fine, yes, I'm f*cking hungry.
"Cool, let me show the MAIN MENU."
BAM- I get booted from the game & end-up back the game's Main Menu.
After I got over the 'burn', I laughed.
You've been warned.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Ann Martin, We Hardly Knew Ya
TV News Anchormen & Women are Gods (and Goddesses) among us...
Today, CBS announced they are "trimming" their news staff. One of LA's best & sweetest, Ann Martin, was among the layoffs. We hardly knew ya:
Why, oh why not Paul Moyer?? Enjoy some special audio of LA a-hole, Paul Moyer, berating sweet old Ann a few years back:
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
The Nooby Trap Chronicles: Chapter 1 "The Beginning & a Really Looong Chord"
Fall 2002: "Wanted: Xbox Live Beta Testers!"
Simple enough. Microsoft was prepping to launch it's online game service & looking for people to be "beta testers". Yeah, PC guys have been chopping off each other's heads in ONLINE games for years, but I wasn't one of those (damn Mac & lack of games). To my surprise, Microsoft asked I pay $50, plus shipping, to work out the kinks for them - are you kidding me?? What kind of screw job is this? Do I look like an idiot?
A few weeks later my Xbox Live Kit showed up. Nifty! The kit consisted of a disc, a flimsy headset, & a piece of paper. Wow, now I know why it cost me fifty bucks. It's a disc, headset, & a piece of paper! One of the first lines on that paper read:
"Make sure your internet cable is firmly secured to the internet port on the Xbox console."
Shit. My Xbox = in the living room. My Cable Modem = spare bedroom on other side of the house. No wireless router (never needed one up to this point). I was already in $50 and wasn't in the mood for dropping another $200+ just to get blasted with a shotgun online at point blank range by some kid in Knoxville, TN. But...
The company I worked for at the time was bought by a bigger company and was being dismantled (layoffs, shutting the office down, etc...). As our IT Dept was scrapping old PC's, they set out a big box of cables for the trash (well, OK, it looked like it was headed for the trash...). Anyway, on top was a 60ft Ethernet cable they pulled out of some wall or something. As I was stuffing it under my shirt & zipping my coat to the very top, I wondered "what the hell am I going to do with this thing anyway?"
I scared the hell out my cat. I'm dragging this tangled-up chord from the spare bedroom (aka "The Boodaloo"), down the hall, across the front door, through the living room, under the entertainment center to the back of the old Xbox. Classy...
I'm pumped. Insert disc. Fire up the box. Enter a credit card number? Ok. Street Address. Agree to Terms. Blah blah blah. Pick a 'gamer tag'? Sillynelson - 20 minutes later - BAM, let's get it on.
The 'beta' came with 2 games. One, an excellent looking motorcycle racing game (MotoGP), and some other game with little cartoon dudes whacking each other with hammers or something. Motorcycles it is...
Loading screens, pick a bike, enter a race. I was pretty excited. The idea of me and 11 other people from all over the country racing neck&neck through hairpin curves, long straights, grinding it out for 4 laps, sprinting to the finish line, laughing about it all at the end of the race. Good times. Enter lobby...
"F*ck you!"
-whoa
"Hey, sillynelson. Why are you so silly?" (something I've heard approx. 30,000 times by now)
-huh?
"Hey, sillynelson. Why are you such a f*cking fag?"
-huh?
"Do, do, do, do-do-do, Can't Touch This!"
-oh boy
"Is my mic working?"
-um
"Somebody start the f'n race already"
-good idea
"Whoever said that can suck my D."
-oh boy
"Ready up faggots."
-really?
Wow, it's like I just entered the world's worst party line. I admit I laughed (and still laugh) at some the stupid crap being thrown around waiting for this race to start, but at this point, I really really wanted to ACTUALLY race!! It was a racing game after all.
"LOADING"
-finally
Somebody launched the damn game. Now we're talking. The race loads.
3.2.1.GO!!
I hit gas and go figure, we're actually racing! 2 seconds later some a-hole makes me wreck my bike. Good times, no biggie. Back up & off again. 2 seconds later - wham: back in the dirt. Same guy? Nope, some other jackass. Back & off again. At this point, I'm in dead last. Ah whatever. I'm cooking now...
"What the hell?" SLAM. Some jackass is a driving through the course BACKWARDS hitting people head-on. What the hell is point of that?? Another guy doing the same. No one's completed a single lap. Up & on...
A few races later, I'm actually doing pretty good (aka dodging the guys going backwards). A guy on my tail.
"Silly Nelson, I'm coming for you."
-creepy
"And yes, I mean sexually..."
-CRASH
Crash x 100. One might wonder how I can recall a race from 6 years ago with such clarity? Because EVERY SINGLE TIME I RACED it was just like that. Every single time. At least I paid $50 to be called 'gay'.
Best part: wife comes home...
"What the hell is this cord???"
-crash
Simple enough. Microsoft was prepping to launch it's online game service & looking for people to be "beta testers". Yeah, PC guys have been chopping off each other's heads in ONLINE games for years, but I wasn't one of those (damn Mac & lack of games). To my surprise, Microsoft asked I pay $50, plus shipping, to work out the kinks for them - are you kidding me?? What kind of screw job is this? Do I look like an idiot?
A few weeks later my Xbox Live Kit showed up. Nifty! The kit consisted of a disc, a flimsy headset, & a piece of paper. Wow, now I know why it cost me fifty bucks. It's a disc, headset, & a piece of paper! One of the first lines on that paper read:
"Make sure your internet cable is firmly secured to the internet port on the Xbox console."
Shit. My Xbox = in the living room. My Cable Modem = spare bedroom on other side of the house. No wireless router (never needed one up to this point). I was already in $50 and wasn't in the mood for dropping another $200+ just to get blasted with a shotgun online at point blank range by some kid in Knoxville, TN. But...
The company I worked for at the time was bought by a bigger company and was being dismantled (layoffs, shutting the office down, etc...). As our IT Dept was scrapping old PC's, they set out a big box of cables for the trash (well, OK, it looked like it was headed for the trash...). Anyway, on top was a 60ft Ethernet cable they pulled out of some wall or something. As I was stuffing it under my shirt & zipping my coat to the very top, I wondered "what the hell am I going to do with this thing anyway?"
I scared the hell out my cat. I'm dragging this tangled-up chord from the spare bedroom (aka "The Boodaloo"), down the hall, across the front door, through the living room, under the entertainment center to the back of the old Xbox. Classy...
I'm pumped. Insert disc. Fire up the box. Enter a credit card number? Ok. Street Address. Agree to Terms. Blah blah blah. Pick a 'gamer tag'? Sillynelson - 20 minutes later - BAM, let's get it on.
The 'beta' came with 2 games. One, an excellent looking motorcycle racing game (MotoGP), and some other game with little cartoon dudes whacking each other with hammers or something. Motorcycles it is...
Loading screens, pick a bike, enter a race. I was pretty excited. The idea of me and 11 other people from all over the country racing neck&neck through hairpin curves, long straights, grinding it out for 4 laps, sprinting to the finish line, laughing about it all at the end of the race. Good times. Enter lobby...
"F*ck you!"
-whoa
"Hey, sillynelson. Why are you so silly?" (something I've heard approx. 30,000 times by now)
-huh?
"Hey, sillynelson. Why are you such a f*cking fag?"
-huh?
"Do, do, do, do-do-do, Can't Touch This!"
-oh boy
"Is my mic working?"
-um
"Somebody start the f'n race already"
-good idea
"Whoever said that can suck my D."
-oh boy
"Ready up faggots."
-really?
Wow, it's like I just entered the world's worst party line. I admit I laughed (and still laugh) at some the stupid crap being thrown around waiting for this race to start, but at this point, I really really wanted to ACTUALLY race!! It was a racing game after all.
"LOADING"
-finally
Somebody launched the damn game. Now we're talking. The race loads.
3.2.1.GO!!
I hit gas and go figure, we're actually racing! 2 seconds later some a-hole makes me wreck my bike. Good times, no biggie. Back up & off again. 2 seconds later - wham: back in the dirt. Same guy? Nope, some other jackass. Back & off again. At this point, I'm in dead last. Ah whatever. I'm cooking now...
"What the hell?" SLAM. Some jackass is a driving through the course BACKWARDS hitting people head-on. What the hell is point of that?? Another guy doing the same. No one's completed a single lap. Up & on...
A few races later, I'm actually doing pretty good (aka dodging the guys going backwards). A guy on my tail.
"Silly Nelson, I'm coming for you."
-creepy
"And yes, I mean sexually..."
-CRASH
Crash x 100. One might wonder how I can recall a race from 6 years ago with such clarity? Because EVERY SINGLE TIME I RACED it was just like that. Every single time. At least I paid $50 to be called 'gay'.
Best part: wife comes home...
"What the hell is this cord???"
-crash
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